From the Booby Hatch

Monday, 23 June 2003, 12:38 PM EST

"Powerful Senator Endorses Destroying Computers of Illegal Music Downloaders!" trumpeted the Associated Press last week.

What a tremendous headline! Orrin Hatch wants to smash the PCs of pirates.

Such opportunities present only occasionally in a journalism career. Impossible to predict, who would have guessed an old but very important poop would be so willing to go apoplectic and voice a desire for revenge on the scofflaw young.

Naturally, assorted minders immediately made excuses for the guy.

The senator was speaking metaphorically, he didn't really mean it, or -- best of all -- "we all take [his] views very seriously."

Yeah, yeah. What Hatch really meant was that kids have no respect for their elders and the RIAA, plus they don't pay for things. I hate kids -- they need to be taught a lesson. Whatsa matter with kids, today?

In the short term, I say cast Orrin Hatch in a remake of "Bye Bye Birdie."

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